Mood:
lazyNow Playing: computer humming
Topic: drama's gunna result
Okay, yesterday I tried the throwing up thing. But I couldn't bring myself to sticking my finger down my throat so I contorted my stomach muscles to try and do it, but that only made me burpy, all night.
I went for a walk yesterday and ran into two of my friends, then ran into a few more of my friends, who invited me out last night. I hadn't hung around with these particular friends for a while so I was excited.
Well we went over to one girl's house and hung out there and talked for a while. But then another girl invited two guys to come and visit us. No problem, except that one of the guys was the same guy that she'd cheated on her boyfriend (my friend) with. If he asks me anything about last night as far as who was there I don't know if I can lie.
The other guy there was really nice. He was a gentalman. I'm hoping to get my friend to invite him out with us again so I can get to know him better.
Posted by namesx
at 5:36 PM PDT
Wed, Oct 12 2005
Now Playing: Switchfoot - Only Hope
You know, there are no emotion things in that "mood" list for sick? Well that's how I feel. Sick. Not quite right. I'm thinking I ate too much. And I'm thinking that all that food's only going to make me bigger. And I'm thinking that I might go and barf it all up and drink a ton of water so I flush my system completly out. You're probably thinking that it's a gross thought, I've never actually done it, and I wouldn't do it frequently because all of that bile really messes up your teeth, and my parents spent a small fortune on my teeth. But no one's home right now. No one would know, except for me and you, and you don't know me, and I don't know you...so it'd all be safe, ya know.
I don't know if I could do it though, I don't really like puking. Maybe I'll take a laxative. I read a novel about this girl who used laxatives to lose weight. I don't know if I could do that either. I'll probably just get fatter, and end up like that 672 pound woman that I saw a documentry about on Tv, atleast I'd get some TV time.
Posted by namesx
at 1:43 PM PDT
Tue, Oct 11 2005
*_*
Mood:
hug me
Now Playing: Rise Against - Swing Life Away
Topic: Moments
I get these moments, all girls get them, where you feel terribly, horrifically, insanely, disgustingly ugly. Maybe not ugly, but not pretty either. I keep thinking about what I'm eating, how I keep gaining weight. Today I went to try on grad dresses and I couldn't fit in one, and then another one, I felt so massive. But then I tried this one on that was too big and the lady pinned back for me, it looked amazing.
I also get these other moments. After a long day when my hair's comming out of it's bun and my make-up's all smudged up, and I'm a little tired, and I look in the mirror and think "wow". Sometimes I feel beautiful.
Speaking of feelings. I like this guy. No big deal right, I like a guy. Well, I like a guy who's one of my friends, and who has a girlfriend. I thought I was over him, I was SO over him. And we were/are really good friends. But the other day he walked past behind me and put his hands on my shoulders and gave me a little squeeze. All of these feelings came rushing back and all I wanted to do was lean back and have him wrap his arms around me. Hormones...pah.
P.s. I wish I could get rid of these damn paint rollers, they don't fit with my motif, even if they fit in with the fence at the top.
Mood:
hug meNow Playing: Rise Against - Swing Life Away
Topic: Moments
I get these moments, all girls get them, where you feel terribly, horrifically, insanely, disgustingly ugly. Maybe not ugly, but not pretty either. I keep thinking about what I'm eating, how I keep gaining weight. Today I went to try on grad dresses and I couldn't fit in one, and then another one, I felt so massive. But then I tried this one on that was too big and the lady pinned back for me, it looked amazing.
I also get these other moments. After a long day when my hair's comming out of it's bun and my make-up's all smudged up, and I'm a little tired, and I look in the mirror and think "wow". Sometimes I feel beautiful.
Speaking of feelings. I like this guy. No big deal right, I like a guy. Well, I like a guy who's one of my friends, and who has a girlfriend. I thought I was over him, I was SO over him. And we were/are really good friends. But the other day he walked past behind me and put his hands on my shoulders and gave me a little squeeze. All of these feelings came rushing back and all I wanted to do was lean back and have him wrap his arms around me. Hormones...pah.
P.s. I wish I could get rid of these damn paint rollers, they don't fit with my motif, even if they fit in with the fence at the top.
Posted by namesx
at 6:36 PM PDT
Updated: Tue, Oct 11 2005 6:38 PM PDT
Sun, Oct 9 2005
The Beginning
Mood:
not sure
Now Playing: Billy Joel - these are the times
Topic: Life in school
So here it is, the beginning of everything. This is my new blog. You'll know me as X and only as X. I will not use my real name in this blog, nor will I post a link to this blog on anyone's site who I know, this is meant to be my place to talk to the world, which is much easier to do when no one knows who you are.
School. Those six letters can mean so much to someone who's graduating this year. In one way I'll be happpy to grad. No more annoying friends who I only see at school. Soemtimes I just need to get away from those people, and their rumors and gossip.
At school I guess I'd be labled as a nerd. I'm not really athletic, and I'm smart, and I enjoy school. Well, that's not entirely true. I like sports, I just don't play on any school teams, I'm smart in some subjects, and I just study like my life depends on it in the ones that I'm not good at. I enjoy learning new things, I don't enjoy the gissip and cattieness that comes out of highschool.
Highschool - pah!
Another thing that sucks about my school. I've gone to school with most of the guys there since grade eight. How are yoou supposed to find any romantic interest with a bunch of guys who haven't acknowleged you in five years? There are a couple new guys, good looking, but I don't know if I can deal with the juvanile qualities of highschool boys.
Give me a College guy anytime. There are a couple that come into work sometimes. They're nice and respectful. Not much older then me, I'm not into anyone over five years older than me (anymore)so don't get any ideas about me liking much older guys, I stopped doing that a while ago.
You see, there was this guy at work, good looking, twice my age. He obviously liked me, and told me numerous times that if he were younger or I were older he'd be all over me. I liked him, too, but I didn't do anything, thank goodness. A coouple of months after he left my work I ran into him, he'd let himself go, and he was comming onto me (I guess that's something that's easier to do when you're not working with a person) and it hit me how bizarre the whole situation was, and how weird it was for the guy to be hitting on a girl half his age. I haven't seen him since then, and I'm happy about that.
Well there's the intorduction into a peice of my life. It's not pretty, and it's not perfect, but it's mine.
Mood:
not sureNow Playing: Billy Joel - these are the times
Topic: Life in school
So here it is, the beginning of everything. This is my new blog. You'll know me as X and only as X. I will not use my real name in this blog, nor will I post a link to this blog on anyone's site who I know, this is meant to be my place to talk to the world, which is much easier to do when no one knows who you are.
School. Those six letters can mean so much to someone who's graduating this year. In one way I'll be happpy to grad. No more annoying friends who I only see at school. Soemtimes I just need to get away from those people, and their rumors and gossip.
At school I guess I'd be labled as a nerd. I'm not really athletic, and I'm smart, and I enjoy school. Well, that's not entirely true. I like sports, I just don't play on any school teams, I'm smart in some subjects, and I just study like my life depends on it in the ones that I'm not good at. I enjoy learning new things, I don't enjoy the gissip and cattieness that comes out of highschool.
Highschool - pah!
Another thing that sucks about my school. I've gone to school with most of the guys there since grade eight. How are yoou supposed to find any romantic interest with a bunch of guys who haven't acknowleged you in five years? There are a couple new guys, good looking, but I don't know if I can deal with the juvanile qualities of highschool boys.
Give me a College guy anytime. There are a couple that come into work sometimes. They're nice and respectful. Not much older then me, I'm not into anyone over five years older than me (anymore)so don't get any ideas about me liking much older guys, I stopped doing that a while ago.
You see, there was this guy at work, good looking, twice my age. He obviously liked me, and told me numerous times that if he were younger or I were older he'd be all over me. I liked him, too, but I didn't do anything, thank goodness. A coouple of months after he left my work I ran into him, he'd let himself go, and he was comming onto me (I guess that's something that's easier to do when you're not working with a person) and it hit me how bizarre the whole situation was, and how weird it was for the guy to be hitting on a girl half his age. I haven't seen him since then, and I'm happy about that.
Well there's the intorduction into a peice of my life. It's not pretty, and it's not perfect, but it's mine.
Posted by namesx
at 12:01 AM PDT
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